There’s nothing stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do. Stop preparing. You’re ready to do it. Just do it.
I’ve been obsessing about this for weeks.
I walked for 15 miles in the middle of the night–in the middle of the desert–with a guy who set out to run 100 miles. I joined him at mile 45. We had a full moon, headlamps, and plenty of pretzels every five mile to keep us company. And he was breaking down, his body had stopped tapping into any of its reserves. His only energy came from whatever food we got into him. We walked and walked and walked and shuffled and walked.
We got to know each other pretty well. We quoted Weird Science a little too much and talked a lot about a girl who was dressed up like Rainbow Brite. We created our own religion–it gets goofy out there. He can quote Pulp Fiction from beginning to end. 6+ hours later he finished the race at 100 kilometers. He didn’t finish the 100 miles, but he went further than he ever had before. Up until this race, the furthest he had gone was 38 miles. He did 62.
This is what amazed me. There was nothing in him that said, you can’t do this–you need to prepare more. Keep planning, keep thinking about it. Somewhere he decided that 38 miles was good enough to try for 100 miles. He had been running, he had been training, and then he just did it. I admire the way he believed in himself (and still believes in himself).
Me? I debated doing the 15 miles with him. I wasn’t sure if I could deliver a noteworthy performance. I knew I could finish, but I didn’t know if I could finish without being laughed at? I knew I could finish, but would he regret taking me on as a pacer as he struggled to keep me at his pace?
I plan too much. I think about what’s next too much. I worry about how I’ll look or what people will think too much. It’s left me questioning my goals. It’s left me, at times, wondering who I am. What is it I really want? Because, I reason, if I really wanted it, I would have already acted on it. Right? So I guess I don’t really want a whole lot.
6 hours in the desert with this crazy guy gave me some perspective. My “it-must-not-be-what-I-really-want-attitude” is crap. I wouldn’t plan and obsess and think about it if it wasn’t what I really want.
I have a favorite word in Polish. It’s już. In Polish, it sounds like “youshzz.” It doesn’t quite translate into English, but the closest word is “already.” It can mean I’m coming, I’m there, I’m here, too late, or it’s happening. I need to say this word to myself more in relation to what I want and what I want to do. Sometimes, I just need to stop preparing to do something and remember that I’m ready to do it.
Run 50K. Już.
Get an audience. Już.
Write a book. Już.
Write a novel. Już.
Be a father. Be a friend. Już. Już.
If I ever get a tattoo, this will be it. Don’t worry mom, I’ll put it somewhere professional. Unless you know me, you’ll have no idea I have it.
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